If We Were Having Coffee (Or Hot Chocolate?)

It’s Thursday, yay!

If we were having coffee, I would probably have ordered (or made, depending on where we decided to chat) a hot chocolate instead. Lately, I am coffeed out (yes, I know coffeed is not a word but that is what my mother says when she can’t stand coffee for a while and needs a break).

I would tell you that I talked to my friend who moved to Los Angeles a month before me today. Last time I had talked to her was about a month ago, and she was still in the midst of getting adjusted to her new work and the drastic change in lifestyle. I would tell you that she finally feels like L.A. is a little bit her home, and I feel the exact same thing about Paris.

I was messaging my mother today and I was joking around with her, telling her that she should pack her bags and come here (okay, not really joking, she should seriously do that and bring my dad and sister while she is at it). She replied with, “if I moved to France, you would move out“. It got me thinking, why do people sometimes feel like they need to get away from the “known” to figure themselves out? It is a pretty easy answer. Typically, in my opinion, we want to test ourselves. We want to see what we can be, what our potential really is.

Me? I don’t know. I have always been in the unknown. The only thing that I am really good at is packing and moving. I can make friends in seconds, it’s one of my survival skills. I had a friend here tell me that hanging out with me is like going out with the whole world. By the end of the night, we will be leaving the bars with a whole new group of friends. Those things, that kind of life, is not new to me. Being away from “home” is not new to me. Being away from family? That is something new to me. I miss my family. I feel like my recent posts have all been about that, but damn… I feel like there are no words to explain that Paris is amazing yet it feels like something is missing, the people I love. As I have said before, I would not change this experience for anything in the world and I need and deserve this. I have worked for it. I just miss my mother’s arms, my sister asking for advice and my fathers words of wisdom. It is true, you never really know what you have until it is gone.

I would also tell you that I am getting back into the groove of the weekly schedule. In France, schools take a vacation every six weeks. At first, when I heard that, all I could think was “that is not fair!” but then started to think about it… what about the families who can’t afford to take time away from work? Afford a nanny? How do those kids and family survive every two weeks? So the last two weeks have been vacation weeks, and the first one I worked all day and the second one I had off. I hung around Paris and got in trouble (just kidding). I did some sightseeing and discovered great things about Paris that I love. I also slept until one in the afternoon almost everyday because I have insomnia and would stay up watching Sex and the City, read, write or go out. When my host family got back, I was not able to have Sunday dinner with them like we typically do. La petite fille called me crying and asked me where I was, saying she wanted to see me really badly. When I told her I was busy, she refused to talk to me and handed the phone back to her mom. The next day when I saw her, she gave me a gros bisous (big kiss) and would not let go of me. I couldn’t let go of her either, I was happy to see her again.

A lot of the times while I take care of her, I remember my mother saying things like, “you won’t know until the day you become a mother. You won’t understand how much a child can teach you”. I have not become a mother (thank god, definitely not prepared for that) but this girl is teaching me so many amazing, incredible things. She reminds me what it is like to see the world for the very first time. The other day, we went to a discovery museum and one of the exhibitions was discovering the human body. She saw the machine to take blood pressure and asked me what it was. I put my arm through it, turned it on, and as it compressed, she started to freak out and started crying. “Nounou! Nounou! What is happening to your arm? Are you okay? Tu me fais peur (you scare me!)!” When my arm was released, I hugged her and showed her that my arm was okay. She was content. She teaches me that I will always be loved. Everyday, at some random moment, she will look at me and tell me, “you are a very pretty nounou. Did you know that? I love you.” Today, she was writing notes to her mother (scribbles really, she’s not at a writing age yet) and thanking her for choosing me as her nanny.

I am thankful her parents chose me as her nanny too.

So, how was your coffee? What is new with you?





I have a whole file named “Random Walks Through Paris” full of photographs of whenever I get lost. Getting lost in Paris is never a bad thing.

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