Hello 2019: Goals, plans and yikes

Well, here it goes. I have been seeing everyone post their plans for 2019 and wrapping up by saying what was the best part of their 2018 and I had some difficulties coming up with a post summing up my year. It was a very difficult one for me.

Leaving 2018

I have always been very open, or at least tried to be, on this blog. I try to make sure that people understand that life in Paris isn’t always 100% the beautiful, Parisian life people set up in their heads. I am honestly living paycheck to paycheck, often finishing the months in negative numbers. I have gained a bit of weight due to some personal reasons lately, even though I am trying my best to eat healthier and be more active (ok, and the holidays didn’t really help with all that foie gras, champagne, and raclette dinners). I didn’t get to travel as much as I had wanted to, even though I did get to take some amazing trips here in France (Biscarrosse and La Baule) and did do some day trips (specifically Provins). These trips were most likely the highlight of my year, along with the fact that I finished my second year at the Sorbonne and started my final year. But, all in all, I am not going to lie, 2018 was not the best year in my books.

“There are no ghosts in this world. Save those we make for ourselves” Sherlock Holmes

But, what can I do moving forward? I’ve decided that history should stay in the past. All I can do is remember, learn and move forward. As my dad once told me, “never let a situation define you” and that is what 2019 is going to be. I am going to define myself on my own terms.

“On the way to finding the real you, you must accept that it might mean the death of what everyone thought you to be. Just as the butterfly can no longer be a caterpillar.” JmStorm

So I did a crazy photo shoot with the Frenchman and tried to do something that I have never done before. Test my limits. See where it would take me. We went to a run-down apartment complex and I had fun and couldn’t stop laughing because these sultry photos are totally different. Even my makeup was different from the warm tones I always wear. I did a new look with my favorite eyeshadow palette up to date, Urban Decay’s Born to Run. It was green and pink (wait, what?)! I was wearing sparkling tights and a black mini dress, showing my body a bit more but I was having fun with it. Because my goal in 2019 is to redefine myself, gain back my confidence and be the best version of myself I can be (which I suppose, that’s what we all really want to be).

2019 is going to be an eventful year because I am graduating and have to choose a master… and I have no clue what I want to do nor what I want to study. For the longest time, journalism felt like the right fit for me (and it still does), but getting into journalism schools in France is a bit complicated so I am trying to find a backup plan if that path doesn’t work out (which I hope it does). I am trying to take things day by day, and remind myself that not everyone knows what the hell they’re supposed to be doing at 23 years old. I am starting to understand the whole “thirty, flirty and thriving” from one of my favorite films, 13 Going on 30, because hopefully by the time I am thirty I have something figured out and thriving. I remember being 15 and telling myself by the time I graduated with my bachelors I would know what I was doing with my life… yet here I am and have no clue!

I don’t want to set specific kinds of goals like “be more organized, lose x amount of weight, travel to ____” because I get very disappointed if I don’t achieve them. What I want as goals this year are different though somewhat the same, and a bit broader. I am trying to change the wording in how I talk so that things seem more attainable and more positive. Instead of “lose weight” I want to “be stronger”. Instead of “be more organized” I want to “take care of myself”. Instead of “I want to travel to ____” I will say “let’s see where this year takes me”. Perspective is key.